Today Věra trained assistants from the last area of service at work. Her work is very appreciated and Věrka also enjoys doing it. Now she will finish the evaluation and during or at the end of April she will start maternity leave.
Věra is doing well in her pregnancy and the baby seems to be growing well and healthy.
“Before this day is over, the wives of the officials of Persia and Media will find out what Queen has done, and they will refuse to obey their husbands. They won't respect their husbands, and their husbands will be angry with them.” Esther 1:18
that I can tolerate the treatment,
that it is recommended by three independent institutions,
that nothing else has worked.
“All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” Proverbs 14:23
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 12:28In the way of righteousness is life; And in the pathway thereof there is no death.
That the baby is fine
That Věrka is doing well during her pregnancy
That Vítek has settled in at kindergarten and is in a good mood at home
That I don't have to take Sorafenib and I didn't have to argue with the doctor about it
Car in the service with a broken clutch (an old diesel is not ideal for driving around Liberec)
Lung metastases
“... Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.”
My New Year's Verse
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:8
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:24
“The Lord by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew. My son, do not lose sight of these. [...] If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”
Proverbs 3:19-21 and 24
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”
Gatatians 5:6
quite possibly it will be harmful
quite possibly won't help
maybe no longer needed
the reasons mentioned above are not certain
it would be stupid to stop the only drug that helps (but that's not a very strong argument; if I tried every option, I'd kill myself with it alone; I got almost 20 tips on alternative treatment and support supplements from you alone)
the doctor thinks I should (but mainly because he has no better idea and doing nothing is bad, because what if something helps)
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.” 2 Corinthians 1:8-11
“Abel believed, and therefore he offered God a better sacrifice than Cain, and he received a testimony that he was righteous when God accepted his gifts; because he believed, 'though he died he still speaks'.” Hebrews 11:4
“Enoch believed and therefore did not see death, but God took him to himself. 'He was not found, because God received him.'” Hebrews 11:5
“I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.” Hosea 11:4
“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” 2 Timothy 4:18
“That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12
“That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.” 1 Timothy 4:10
liver tumors continue to shrink
the radiation on the thoracic vertebra worked (surprisingly) and the reduction is already visible
other tumors do not grow in the bones below (due to this and their unavailability, it is not yet a priority to solve them)
the unclear result in the area of the cecum disappeared (last time they correctly concluded that it was not a new metastasis)
“God made a lasting agreement with me, good in every way and strong. This agreement is my salvation. This agreement is all I want. Truly, the Lord will make it grow.”
2 Samuel 23:5 (ICB)
“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless: he shields all who take refuge in him.”
2 Samuel 22:31
“What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, Sovereign Lord.”
2 Samuel 7:20
“Zdiška left today, she didn't wake up in the morning.”
... I'm not even afraid anymore. That even if I were to go to God and to Adam, I know that my mother would not be alone, God would be with her. Just like he is with us now. That even so, we would both still be fine with the Lord God. He would not leave us sad. When we are not even sad about Adam now. But maybe God will help me, that I will be healthy, or not but maybe I will stay here with my mother. I do not know. But God will surely figure it out somehow so that it will be good for me.
I am very happy that people are also praying for us, because God is really with us. I seriously already feel at home like in heaven. It's nice how everyone is so nice to us. I really enjoy writing with Jana on the courses, even though I have already finished them all. It helps me a lot. She is very kind. She also helps mom. Everyone is very nice. Mom too. I like my mom the most. It's all beautiful. God did it all very well.
“Hello Jana. How are you? Mom and I are resting together now. Mom is not well either. So we are together. There is also grandma (who believed after long prayers of the whole family) and uncle (who believed after Adam's testimony). It's so nice. I'm also very happy with God. It's nice I'm so glad that we're all together. He's so kind to us. That's so nice. I love you so much.”
“Yes, she didn't complain about anything, she had headaches, and sore lungs, when she was better, she and her grandmother and uncle listened to the sermon I sent them, they prayed, well, just a Christian idyll.”
“With Kristýna (Zdiška's mother) we pray every day, a while ago we gave thanks for her (Zdiška's) life ... it's amazing how God works on the people in the courses, how many have accepted the Lord Jesus.”
“Do not be afraid,” Samuel replied. “You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart.”
1 Samuel 12:20
So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When he made love to her, the Lord enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son. The women said to Naomi: “Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel! He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age.”
They consider the treatment of the liver finished (they will monitor it and if some of the deposits start to revive, the operation will be repeated, but now it is not necessary). Thank God.
They see a total of four other bearings. They see the one in the thoracic spine there. Likewise in the sacrum and in the hip. They also see another small dot, which they do not consider new, only visible with a better instrument. This could have been better.
No new metastases appeared.
One of the metastases in the Liver is significantly smaller and dead.
The second one is the same size, but according to the oncologist, it is dead tissue (expert opinion is awaited).
The tumor in the spine is indistinct, it is possible that it was not a tumor.
Two tumors in the bones and one small dot is the same size (awaiting evaluation by experts).
“But you, beloved, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit.” Jude 1:20
“They stirred up persecution ... and expelled them from their region. ... And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.” Acts 13:50 and 52
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:5-9
“Jesus said: My kingdom is not of this world...” John 18:36
When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go ...”
Matthew 28:17-19
“They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again.” Matthew 27:30
“You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come.” Matthew 24:6
“Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?” Matthew 20:15
“But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit.” Jude 1:20
“There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.” Matthew 17:2
Matthew 15
32 “I have compassion for these people ...”
37 “They all ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.”
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Matthew 13:45-46
“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.” Matthew 10:42
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28
videos with Czech text on YouTube
“And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” (...) And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?”” Mathew 8:25 and 27
“Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” Matthew 6:22
“... pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Matthew 6:6
You don't have to be depressed or a “psychiatric patient”. In the same way that people go to the eye department for barley grain ointment or for major surgery, people with mild problems, not just serious cases, can go to psychiatry.
Antidepressant is not some artificial mood booster. They are different medicines that help with a whole range of problems. For me specifically, they make me not feel exhausted all the time. I get tired, but when I rest, I feel rested afterwards. I used to feel exhausted even by resting and had to constantly push myself. (So this will eventually improve my mood, but not chemically.)
Modern medicines have a minimum of side effects - for example, I don't feel any.
It doesn't have to be for life. Neurol is addictive, but it is taken for an acute problem and must not be taken longer (I never had that). Otherwise, it's the effect of antidepressants what is addictive; if the effect is no longer needed, the medication can be slowly withdrawn. It's similar to coffee; if we do not condemn drinking coffee for stimulation, there is no need to condemn anti-depressants either.
It's not even a spiritual problem. When I get a headache, I'll pray for healing, but I'll also take Paracetamol. When my brain chemistry is broken, I will pray for healing, but I will also take anti-depressants.
That people used to do without antidepressants? Yes, and they also did without migraine medications or antibiotics.
Matthew 4
3 The tempter came to him (...)
11 and angels came and attended him.
God did not take care of your physical needs.
You cannot be sure of who you are to God.
God does not give you what is rightfully yours.
Jesus sent him to ... well, to the abyss. And the section ends with angels approaching and serving Jesus.
“Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.” Psalm 150:6
“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” Psalm 147:5
“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5
“When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me. […] May they sing of the ways of the LORD, for the glory of the LORD is great.” Psalm 138:3 and 5
We have harmony in marriage; we are together, we can talk about everything and pray together.
Vítek believed in the Lord Jesus and apparently the Holy Spirit is working in his life. Sometimes we marvel at the way God speaks to him and how he likes to praise the Lord God spontaneously and anywhere.
We have family support and tension-free relationships. We receive the prayer support of the church. We are not alone and have a wide support network.
We live in peace and without fear. Without fear of war. No fear of the coronavirus. Without fear of existential difficulties and price increases. Without fear of where the world is going (be it ecology, the future of marriage, migration, or other topics that bother people).
We had to let go of our plans and ideas. But not resignedly “so do what you want”, but with the confidence that God's ways are ultimately the best and if it's not the best, then it's not over yet.
We enjoy beautiful moments in nature on our property in Dubnice and the surrounding area. Vítek and us ran in the tall grass, walked barefoot, climbed a fallen tree, climbed on perch, roasted burritos, got to know animals (mainly insects), plucked flowers, gathered an abundance of forest fruits, watched the stars, slept in a tent...
We live in a nice place where nice trips to nature and to the rocks are available even with our limitations.
We can serve God a little. Věra is preparing a story from the Bible for the mother's center and I am slowly working on coloring the children's Bible.
“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life ...” Psalm 138:7
My future is uncertain and medically there is little prospect of a cure and no full recovery. There are serious question marks over the length of my life.
What we can do is tiny compared to what we could do if I were healthy. I had to let the whole service at the Child Evangelism Fellowship go and not think about it, so that I wouldn't worry about it. (I only sometimes check BCCapp and it's unpleasant to go back to something I used to do.) Vítek has gotten used to looking for his dad more in bed than in the office.
We manage to be in nature, but the trips are 1.5 kilometers long with numerous stops. We have to look for interesting places within an accessible distance, which is not normal at our age.
I experience an abundance of health restrictions, unpleasant bodily sensations and weaknesses that cannot even be communicated and explained to people who have not experienced it.
We won't be able to visit relatives who live further away.
We don't plan and we live in the present, because we can't plan. We don't know what will happen in a few days, let alone a week or a year. We look forward to small things (a time in Dubnice, a trip, drawing the Bible, a visit, ...) and when we don't have them, we miss that we have nothing to look forward to and we both feel worse.
Antidepressants help me overcome fatigue.
“The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.” Psalm 138:8
“By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion.” Psalm 137:1
“I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother.” Psalm 131:1-2
“When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.” Psalm 126:1
Why was it like a dream for them? Because what the Lord did was so incredible.“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” Psalm 126:5
For the sake of my family and friends, I will say, “Peace be within you.” Psalm 122:8
“I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.” Psalm 119:176
There are at least eight different drugs of different types that can be considered. Awaiting recommendations on what to start with, but none of them have a proven effect. When one doesn't help, another is tried.
This is a non-standard treatment. Approval will be sought from the insurance company to reimburse me for the medication. To get started as quickly as possible, drugs will be paid by the hospital initially.
“Let my soul live and praise you, and let your rules help me.” Psalm 119:175
No tumors only by miracle.
Shrunken tumors. Depending on the degree of reduction, either chemotherapy or local radiation would be continued.
Non-enlarged tumors. Chemotherapy would be continued.
Enlarged tumors.
“Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.” Psalm 119:116
“Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope.” Psalm 119:49
go shopping,
a two-hour trip at the Víteks pace,
drive a car for half an hour.
But if I have shopping on one day, a trip on the next day and someone visiting us on the third day, I feel that it is a demanding week and I will have to rest more. By that I mean more than sleeping for 9 hours and at noon and occasionally resting in between.Vítek has already recovered from his cold and that means he is in a better mood and things are easier with him.
Věrka has already recovered and had a mild course.
I didn't catch a cold, which is actually a miracle. I've always caught colds easily, and now I don't have the saliva that normally prevents infections and my immunity is even lower.
“Blessed are those who fear the Lord, ... They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear.” Psalm 112:1 and 7-8
“My heart is ready, O God, I will sing, I will sing psalms ... for your mercy reaches above the sky, your faithfulness to the clouds.” Psalm 108:2 and 5
“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.” Psalm 105:1-5
for strength for Věrka, when she will take care of Vítek and me for a few days.
for Vítek, after the dose he tries to be nice to me.
for my parents who have to endure their son's treatment from a distance and for my siblings.
for the wife's parents and the entire Stebel family.
“Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3
“It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night.” Psalm 92:1-2
“Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you.” Psalm 86:4
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” Luke 12:25
Short texts for preschoolers (or first independent reading).
Illustrations that don't look like fairy tales, but depict real events.
Bubbles in pictures to help parents read pictures to kids too.
“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 68:19
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8
“But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.” Psalm 59:16-17
“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” Psalm 57:1-2
CT did not showed their definite benefit.
Few people can tolerate more than three doses of this triple combination. My blood results are borderline. I might be able to take another dose, but they'd rather stop now so I'm in better shape for the next treatment.
The chemotherapy that remains has fewer side effects. I should feel much better now, the nausea should subside and the blood should settle. Tingling in the fingertips may begin. I have three more doses of this one component of chemotherapy to go. The first tomorrow and the next every three weeks. They will be administered on an outpatient basis. After completion, the results will be verified by PET/CT.If the effect of chemotherapy will be significant, the same chemotherapy substance will be continued (this one is lighter and can therefore be given longer).
If the effect is weaker, local treatment will be considered. That is, radiation or surgery. The tumors in the bones are quite small and the liver heals well, so from an oncological point of view, when there is no threat of further metastases, it is a lighter case.
If the tumors grow, or do not die, or other foci appear, another combination of chemotherapy components will be tried.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22
No cancer - that would be God's miracle.
Shrunken tumors - still a miracle as it would mean the treatment is working better than expected.
Non-enlarged tumors - still good news from a medical point of view, it would mean continuation of the set treatment.
Enlarged tumors - depending on the rate of growth, the treatment would have to be reassessed, while the one used is already very aggressive.
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7
“In every prayer and petition give thanks and present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4,6)
I only threw up once, especially after such strong chemotherapy that they applied, it's great.
I felt much better mentally.
After the weekend, I am slowly getting back to a usable state (not exactly healthy, but I can do something).
The weather is nice and being in the air helps me.
My appetite is coming back (and my stomach can tolerate lighter meals), some people suffer from loss of appetite all the time.
I don't have canker sores, bleeding, rashes and similar problems that can occur.
Everyone helps us, Vítek is healthy and kind and he enjoys being babysat by his relatives.
We can pray with Věrka and we don't fall into depression.
It's a great mercy that I didn't throw up at all.
After the last dose, I had a bloated stomach with pain and a fogged head. When we already know what awaits me, we try to prepare as a precaution (for example, eat light meals).
Red blood cells have already reached the lower limit of normal. So I'm not so tired anymore. I feel almost healthy in the fresh air, worse in a room. When I sit or lie down for some time, I feel worse. So I try to be active when strength allows.
White blood cells are significantly below the norm, so immunity is greatly weakened. I have to protect myself against infection because it would mean a big complication. (The risk which is hardest to protect against is infection from Vítek.)
Blood platelets are below the norm, but so far this does not have a negative effect.
“Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.”
If God were just, but without mercy, I would be dying of a far worse disease than cancer. To the sin. Thank God for his grace. Every moment of life is a gift.“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.”
Yes. Amen. Only my bones tingle with cancer and not fear.“My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.”
This is what Sunday was about. God, should I live? Great. Should i die? You can decide that. But what should I do with what awaits me? But it remained on Sunday. I didn't get a straight answer, but I got a peace.“Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave?”
How much better knowledge of hope do we have than David. No, the underworld isn't waiting for me. The Kingdom of God awaits me, where I will give praise much more perfectly than here.“I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.”
No longer. Thank God not anymore. It only lasted one day. I am grateful for that.“The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.”
Amen.Bone metastases are not operable, the only treatment left is chemotherapy.
Radiotherapy is not a solution, because while three places would be irradiated, additional tumors would arise elsewhere.
A complete cure cannot be expected from chemotherapy. In the best case, it stops the growth of tumors for up to a few years (or just a few months). Then chemotherapy will be repeated. That is, until the time when I will not be able to bear more chemotherapy.
Because I'm young and healthy, they want to use aggressive treatment in hopes of damaging the tumor as much as possible (and making it take longer to grow back).
The application would be once every three weeks.
Each time with hospitalization over one night.
If I was in a bad condition before the next dose (subjectively or according to blood sampling), the dose can be postponed or the treatment changed.
After three doses (at the end of July) there will be a first evaluation of effectiveness.
Six doses in total (if a dose does not have to be postponed due to bad condition, it will end in mid-August).
They are individual, someone can tolerate it well and work while taking it, someone can feel bad and the treatment must be interrupted or changed.
Mainly nausea (it can be treated, but it may take longer to find out which medicine works best for me).
Impaired immunity (I must avoid groups of people - if only with a respirator - and avoid sick people). Over time, other related diseases, such as canker sores, rashes, etc.
Increasing fatigue due to lack of red blood cells.
Over time, bleeding (from the nose, blood in the urine, after an injury - the result of a lack of platelets).
Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you envy my generosity? Matthew 20
God's healing.
Chemotherapy.
Immunological treatment (artificial stimulation of immunity, which begins to eliminate tumors, but can also damage other organs; typically the thyroid gland).
Biological treatment (the most advanced treatment, but only available for a few types of cancer; it marks the tumor with a protein for the immune system to destroy).
Metastases are apparently multiplying rapidly.
This type of tumor is persistent. It typically doesn't grow very fast, it doesn't often metastasize, but it's hard to get rid of. Chemotherapy and radiation have little effect.
Treatment other than chemotherapy could be available, and even if it wouldn't, a smaller tumor in a different location may react differently. From the fact that initially the chemotherapy did not work, it cannot be concluded that it will not work now either.
The tumors are not in the area of the head or lungs (it would be harder to bear any pain, the treatment would be more demanding and if there was a threat of a tracheostomy, I don't know how I would bear it).
Examinations proceed faster in Liberec than in Ostrava, which serves a large catchment area.
All variants are outpatient treatment, so I could stay at home and commute to the hospital.
Side effects do not appear immediately and are not necessary - especially when God has the power to protect against them.
We read the emphasis on “helps to good” when we need it to turn out well.
We read the emphasis on “everything” when we don't understand how anything good could come of it.
And when do we read the emphasis on “those who love God”? It could be that the promise does not apply to us.
I have absolutely no idea what will happen. I may die during the operation. I can wake up with minimal cosmetic consequences, no major impact on functionality, and very encouraged by the ordeal I'm about to pass. And my life and physical capabilities can completely change. None of this changes who God is. It is the same as a year ago and the same as a year from now. I'm not going to be blinded by things that seem huge because they're right in front of my eyes. When viewed over the years, they are small and only then it does make sense to evaluate them. Looking for the meaning of these events now is the wrong question, therefore it gives meaningless answers.
God has the power to save me. God's will is not sickness or suffering. But even if both come, it does not change anything about God or my place before him. What am I waiting for? I don't know. Anything from miracle to misery.